I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she peed on how many people?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
