he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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