My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize