Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
