i just made my gag reflex go away.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Less talking, more tequila
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize