I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did i walk over a car last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
