do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
