Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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