if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
