She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
