girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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