she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
