Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
