So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
