yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize