Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize