Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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