my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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