i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
