I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
