it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
