There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
