I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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