Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize