Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were destined to go to rehab together
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
