We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
