Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
