if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
