i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
