Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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