you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
