My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
