im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
