I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
