why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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