Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
