i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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