The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
