You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
