ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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