I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
