Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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