I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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