some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
