May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
