she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
