Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize