There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
