Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
