We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
