she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
