Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
