There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
