I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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