Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
