I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
