8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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