Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
