i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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