I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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