tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
