I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize