One girl and one boy is just not enough.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
