I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
