are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
