btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize