my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
