I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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