I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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