I wish you could order shots online.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
