I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
