he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
