you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
