Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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