Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
