She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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