your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
