they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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