I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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