I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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