if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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