Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
