Hey man sorry I got all grabby
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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