Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize