My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
