so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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