dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
