no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They have beer where we have blood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
