i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
